Vijay For Victory

When I was going through my mail box, I found this forward mail which I received long back.

This mail is about the programmer’s reaction when something is not working. The list gave me a smile.

20. That’s weird.
19. It’s never done that before.
18. It worked yesterday.
17. How is that possible?
16. It must be a hardware problem.
15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
14. There is something funky in your data. OR It’s a data problem, not a program problem.
13. I haven’t touched that module in weeks!
12. You must have the wrong version.
11. It’s just some unlucky coincidence.
10. I can’t test everything!
9. THIS can’t be the source of THAT.
8. It works, but it hasn’t been tested.
7. Somebody must have changed my code.
6. Did you check for a virus on your system?
5. Even though it doesn’t work, how does it feel?
4. You can’t use that version on your system.
3. Why do you want to do it that way?
2. Where were you when the program blew up?

And the number one thing all Programmers say when their programs don’t work:

1. It works on my machine.

I too made a few comments that are in the above list

How about you?

Once upon a time the government with a ruling party XYZ, had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Ruling Party XYZ afraid that, someone may steal things over the night. So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Now they have got a new question. “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”. So they created a Planning Department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

This lead them to raise one more question “How will we know that, the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control Department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

When it comes to salary, they have got a new question “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer; and then hired two more people.

One more question added in the row “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

After an year, they said “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are ,$10,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”

So they laid-off the watchman.

Does this story remind you something. Yes you are right, this is the current situation in IT industries.

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only…

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first.

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse.
I go to work running like a deer.
I work all the day like a donkey.
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses.
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

Doctor: are you software engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”.

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years”.