Vijay For Victory

When I was going through my mail box, I found this forward mail which I received long back.

This mail is about the programmer’s reaction when something is not working. The list gave me a smile.

20. That’s weird.
19. It’s never done that before.
18. It worked yesterday.
17. How is that possible?
16. It must be a hardware problem.
15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
14. There is something funky in your data. OR It’s a data problem, not a program problem.
13. I haven’t touched that module in weeks!
12. You must have the wrong version.
11. It’s just some unlucky coincidence.
10. I can’t test everything!
9. THIS can’t be the source of THAT.
8. It works, but it hasn’t been tested.
7. Somebody must have changed my code.
6. Did you check for a virus on your system?
5. Even though it doesn’t work, how does it feel?
4. You can’t use that version on your system.
3. Why do you want to do it that way?
2. Where were you when the program blew up?

And the number one thing all Programmers say when their programs don’t work:

1. It works on my machine.

I too made a few comments that are in the above list

How about you?

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only…

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first.

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse.
I go to work running like a deer.
I work all the day like a donkey.
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses.
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

Doctor: are you software engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.

A priest, a doctor, and a software engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Software Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don’t know but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.

Priest: Hi, George. Say, George, what’s with that group ahead of us?
They’re rather slow aren’t they?

George: Oh yes. That’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

…………..(silence)

Priest: That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.

Software Engineer: Why can’t these guys play at night?